i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
