I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
