how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He did a backflip because drugs
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
