Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
