All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize