Sponge bath it is.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
