I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
