oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
