Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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