you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
