oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
