false alarm. still invincible.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
