I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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