The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
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I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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