to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
