M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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