my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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