I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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