we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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