Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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