im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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