Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
