I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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