We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
