You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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