Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
