New invention idea: vibrating tampons
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
