I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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