She is in my trunk
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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