yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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