Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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