if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
