I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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