I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
