Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
