I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
