Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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