ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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