A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
