I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
