Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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