You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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