why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
