you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
