You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
