if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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