After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
