If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
