I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
