Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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