I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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