Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
