I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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