Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
