Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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