The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She announced her abortion via fbk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
