even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
