I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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