who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
