I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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