i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
