I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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