Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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