I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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