i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We left an ass print on the piano.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
