Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Screwed.edu
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
True strength comes from lack of pants
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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