Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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