Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
