one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
