Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Life is so much better after having sex.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
