new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
