I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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